Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
