totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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