I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
