I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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