I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
