Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
