you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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