Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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