I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
