My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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