I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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