You can't motorboat a personality
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
