Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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