She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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