8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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