I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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