he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
