someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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