I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
