Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.