so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.