i don't like sucking hair
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wipe that smile off your face.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.