I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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