she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.