I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
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You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.