Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"

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(207): View more from Maine

using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.

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(305): View more from Florida

My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...

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(626): View more from California

How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

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(509): View more from Washington

There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!

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(325): View more from Texas

'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?

(1-325): View more from Texas

oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?

(325): View more from Texas

I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.

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