Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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