you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
