I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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