If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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