I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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