There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
