I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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