I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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