I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I queefed so loud it echoed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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