I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
