Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
