lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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