i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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