My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
