Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
