make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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