I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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