Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
