sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
