you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
