drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
