mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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