I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
