He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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