party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
