I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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