I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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