What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
