can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
