Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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