New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
