Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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