Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
