Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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