in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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