so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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