I didn't shave. On purpose
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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