My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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