I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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