I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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