I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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