haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
