i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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