she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
