I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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